Find Out For Yourself

Adapted from A Meeting with John Sherman
Fairfax, California - October 23, 2004

Whether in the material realm or in the spiritual realm, or any other realm, the subject of conversation in life seems to be "How do I get what I want?" That's okay, I guess, except that it seems like a more useful topic would be "What do I want?" And it seems to me, for most of our lives, we have skipped over that step. Mostly it is from society that we get our cues as to what it is that we want. It is suggested to us, by all the ways in which society suggests these things, that what we really want is more money, or what money will buy, or maybe a love relationship, or fame, power or whatever.

Throughout our lives, until we make the shift into the spiritual conversation, we get the ideas of what we want from advertising, or school, or parents, or friends. Always we are picking up these ideas from outside, the hint of "what I want" so that the engine of "how do I get what I want" can continue unchecked and unexamined.

But as we go along, we are either unable to attain what we want, or we are able to attain what we want and that doesn't satisfy us. Sometimes this wanting takes the form of negative wanting: seeking to attain, or seeking to get rid of. To get rid of our bad karma, our aggression, our self-hatred, or whatever.

When we shift the conversation into the spiritual realm, the same engine runs. How do I get what I want? And the same basic format for determining what I want also continues to run. But we pick up our cues and ideas of what we want from inspirational literature, the Upanishads, the shastras, the sutras, the scriptures, the hymns. And, we conclude that we want enlightenment, or "awakening" or "self-realization", whatever that is. We don't really have an idea of what it is these things are, that we have come to believe that we want now.

But we want to rid ourselves of our "conditionings." We want to rid ourselves of our "selves" -- in order that we can attain what we want. Though we don't have a clue what they are, except in so far as we have heard or read about them: oceanic consciousness, bliss, peace, freedom.

So, initially, I'd like us to look at what we really want. Not what we have been told we want, but what we really want. Suggestions have appeared amongst us, as human beings, over time. There have appeared among us, from time to time, truly great teachers. And we can learn from the teachers, about this cycle of suffering and seeking, and suffering and seeking. We can see that they all have told us the same simple thing; just the expression is a little different, conditioned by the cultural circumstance. But we can see that there is a thread that runs through it. And it is that they all have told us that we suffer from a fundamental misunderstanding of our own nature.

Secondly, they tell us that the truth of our own nature will set us free. And thirdly, they tell us this truth is to be found only within our self. That's what they all say. Upon such utterances have been built religions and practices and hymns and scriptures and sutras and shastras and bibles, and god knows what else. But at the core of it, all of them tell us the same three simple suggestions: that we don't know who we are, but the truth of this will set us free and that this truth can be found only within ourselves. At the core of it all is a simple, radical possibility.

Religion, the practices have not done much good. They, at best, somehow prepare the mind so that it can eventually be penetrated by the truth -- if we work hard at our practices, our pujas and our tapas and all of that. To no avail, really. We get experiences of oceanic consciousness, but they don't do us much good. No sooner do they come than they are gone, leaving us wishing we can get them back and make them permanent. Wishing we can get rid of whatever state it is that we have instead. Spiritual experiences have not been much use to us, except to keep us on this endless wheel of "how do I get what I want; I want that back; I want this gone." So all of these great beings have told us the same thing, and all of these utterances have been swallowed up by institutionalized reinstatement of the same old human foolishness in new garb.

In our time, more or less, there has appeared among us a being whose suggestion is absolutely radical along these lines, Ramana Maharshi. His suggestion is different from anything that I know of what has gone before, because Ramana has offered us a practical means to get to the root of the problem. Ramana tells us the root of the problem is the misunderstanding of our actual nature, and the truth of our actual nature is here within us, absolutely accessible. I can't escape from the truth of myself. So Ramana suggests to us that all there is for us to do is to spend every moment of our waking life meditating on nothing, looking for nothing, other than for my self. And let all the rest of it go. First, find my self. This is self realization, finding your self, here, in this moment. How hard can that be? You can't escape from your self. How hard can it be to do nothing but rest your attention in the experience of self? Not "true" self, "higher" self, but just self. Which is nothing other than what it feels like to be you before the story; before the name, before the body, what it feels like to be you. That's all there is to self-inquiry.

I'm not sure there is anything more I can say. God knows, I can go on and on. But this is the heart of the matter. It's to have the maturity to be finished seeking after what has not brought you what you have been looking for and to listen to what we have been told: The truth is you. And the truth will set you free: therefore, find your self.

And I tell you, from my experience, that none of the spiritual discussions, teachings or scriptures, or any of the rest of it, can do you slightest bit of good in this! They are a burden at best. Because what's required of us, in order to know the truth, is to be finished with any idea that we know what the truth is. What's required of us, in order to know the truth of our actual nature, is to be willing for our actual nature to be what we fear it is -- not the greatness that we have been told it is. What is required to know the truth is to throw away everything we think we know about the truth, and be willing to discover that the truth is not what I want it to be. Here, now. In this moment. Who am I? What is my nature? What does it feel like to be me?

The thing about investigation, the thing about inquiry, is that inquiry has nothing to do with understanding. I can "understand" this candle flame here. Physics will give me a deep and comprehensive understanding of this candle flame, even on a quantum level. But investigation has to do with thrusting your finger into the fire, to directly experience it. Understanding keeps us away from that; understanding is a refuge from the direct experience of our nature.

So, what Ramana suggests is that we turn our attention directly into the experience of self. And suggests to us, quite surprisingly, that the direct path into the experience of the self is through the ego, through what it feels like to be me, through the investigation into what it feels like to be me and into what is at the core of that, what its actual nature is.

Copyright © 2005 John Sherman. All rights reserved.