Your sharing the experience of being John Sherman...

Dear John,

Your sharing the experience of being John Sherman so honestly, so transparently, so generously, melted away boundaries that I didn't know were there.

Although I am far from cooked and may never get to where you are, my experiences are exactly as you describe your experiences. I've never talked to anyone because I did not have words to articulate what has been happening. I still might not, so forgive my clumsiness with words.

Boundaries began desolving with the initial self inquiry. My initial inquiry was limited to the boundary of me. That was as far as I could see. So what I looked at was the construct of the me. The more I looked, the clearer I saw it, the less I judged it, the more I understood what it was, and why it was compelled to react, think, feel, behave how it did. I saw right away that as hard as it worked to protect and defend itself, it was absolutely powerless, absolutely defenseless.

This was very good news to me, because a lot of killing off aliveness happened in trying to defend that construct. This was the beginning of the end of the war with the me. I began to feel compassion and love for what, at that time, felt like myself. As this was happening, I began to look outside of the construct of me and to notice what was going on with other people. They began to appear transparant to me. I saw their struggle and their pain and suffering and felt great compassion and wanted to be of service. I still did not experience others as my own self.

I understood early on that there was no going home, no freedom, leaving any of myself behind. At that time, the concept of myself was still very small, still the me. As the inquiry continued, boundaries kept dissolving. I discovered that what I thought was my mind was not my mind at all. I began to realize that I had access to all kinds of information and was able to know many things that were completely outside of my personal experience.

The more I inquired, the deeper and vaster the revelations became. Whenever I sat with you, it felt to me that there were no boundaries. It was as if I not only heard your words but listening, really listening, opened up new vistas, pointed my attention to things I already knew. I just didn't know I knew. I don't know if this makes sense, but if felt as if I was entering into your mind space and could see what was there. It was not just your words.

A few months ago, I found myself wanting to withdraw and be alone. I really did not want to talk to people or to socialize. I didn't know why, I thought something was wrong with me. More boundaries were going and I think I became somewhat disoriented. Then, many things began to fall into place. Things went from chaotic to very clear. It was like I was being shown the order of things, or the laws of cause and effect. I began to see the interconnectedness and interdependence of everything. I began to experience myself as a part of it at first; then I began to experience that it was all inside of me. When you first spoke of this, I was amazed because I have reams of journaling about experiencing this.

I have heard the concept that there is only one mind for years. I probably believed it was true, but I was not aware of it from my own experience. I recognized, when I was sitting outside watching the hummingbirds this morning, that you needed us. I wasn't sure why. I realized, actually realized when I heard you speak today, that you are us and we are you, and none of us are free until we all are free. Then was the point when I became sloppy and drippy and needed all the Kleenex.

It's a good thing you didn't have time to call on me. We would all have missed lunch.

Whatever made me think I didn't still need to near you and to listen to you — really listen to you. You are, and I suppose you will always be, my teacher. That makes me feel very blessed and very grateful.

With love and gratitude,

L.

Sherman Oaks, California      November 4, 2007

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