In an interview you said...

Hi John,

In an interview with Richard Miller, you said that "the greatest boon you can give humanity is the discovery that you are not your life." I can't get my head around this.

So far, this practice hasn't been of any real tangible benefit to me or the people around me. I am still in the grip of fear, feel at stake in things, suffer and feel miserable even if I don't want to be a "victim" and my mind would even abandon the vichara, only it now does it itself from force of habit, so there's no getting away from it.

Some positive side effects have happened in the last year: I stopped drinking, comfort eating and I have a "can take it or leave it" disposition to caffeine, video games, films and even music. Addiction levels are down in many areas.

This stuff just seems to have happened by itself. I struggled for years to try and make those things happen and failed. I now also like eating healthier food and working out at the gym; another thing that just seemed to have happened.

Actually, just reading this that I have just written is giving me a renewed appreciation for the vichara.

I have recently decided to abandon basically all spiritual practices, as I have seen that they have done me no good and the false promise they held has distracted me from getting fully stuck in the practical aspects of my life.

I've given my time to meditation, surrender, letting go acceptance, one pointed attention and "living in the present" like I was in some kind of trance and reading endless books about the nature of reality, love, peace in the hope to transform this personal structure to make me a better, kinder, more loving person.

Now, all that feels like one big evasion of responsibility and if I had given more time to practical mundane things like being aware of what's going in the world and where to invest money and what the best pension plan and life insurance policy were, then I would have been a better, kinder and more loving person.

I've come to the conviction that paying bills, taking out the rubbish and painting walls, listening and being supportive is far more loving and wise than trying to become "enlightened." Actually, it amazes me I was so stupid to not see this sooner, it was pointed out kind of, but somehow I just needed to "see it" for myself. My life is still a mess, and I will be attempting to reverse the bad, ingrained habits of a lifetime, so wish me luck.

When asked if the vichara changed your life, you replied "not much;" things changed but things always change, etc. I was not impressed or inspired by this, but as you say, that's not its job.

Am I missing a point here? I don't want to end up happy with what is; there is so much suffering in the world, I would like to help people and have the capacity to do so. As you do. Is this expecting too much? If it should ever benefit me or this life more, as a by-product, it might make me easier to live with or more useful to others around me, that would be great, but this "whole of humanity thing," well, I just don't get it and I would like to.

If I come out of false belief, well, we are still in this together, right? One down and six billion more to go. You and what you do may have that effect eventually, but not me just getting on with my life. Were you speaking from a personal point of view? Can you say more about this?

Love and thanks as always to you and Carla, keep up the good work.

M.

Dublin, Ireland
September 25, 2008

John's response:

Dear M.,

This is quite an amazing letter on so many levels. First, it seems to be a realtime narration of the gradual dawning of the light of the vichara in an ordinary life; of the gradual recognition of the ease of being that is the natural, ordinary state of human consciousness in the absence of the invisible goad of belief that I am in danger here, at stake here, trapped here, in urgent need of rescue or redemption or reform for reasons that will not become clear until I get what I need, or become what I must be, or reform what I am.

In the same way, the falling away of spiritual practices and of the addiction to spiritual understanding is the natural result of turning to the vichara, which snuffs out all need to create, coddle, feed or defend any idea of identity.

And it is certainly true that, giving attention and time to "practical mundane things like being aware of what's going on the world and where to invest money and what is the best pension plan and life insurance policy; of paying bills, taking out the rubbish and painting walls, listening and being supportive" is far more interesting and nourishing than trying to become "enlightened."

But this is actually self-evident, and has been always the case; it goes unnoticed for so long only because of our passionate involvement with the search for identity.

I do have to say that I would expect that your efforts to reform and reverse the bad habits of a lifetime will be useless but, although useless, these efforts will cause no harm, either. All along, the invisible light of the vichara will continue gradually to disintegrate the structures of identity-worship that give support and cover to ignorance, and many bad habits and old interests will fall away of their own weight.

As to your proper role in the liberation of humankind, the vichara is a force of evolution, not transcendence. There's nothing you can do to hasten or delay that evolution; there's nothing you can do to prevent or determine the use of your life in service to that. All life, all consciousness, the entire river of creation lives as that force, in service to that force. If there's anything my experience teaches me it is that the vichara will do with you what it will, no matter your own ideas in the matter.

You see, the six billion don't actually have to be reached one at a time, the light of the vichara spreads exponentially, not by increments. The more light is visible, the more light is visible.

You can just relax now. Enjoy yourself.

in love,
John

Ojai, California  
October 2, 2008

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