I was really bamboozled by your latest podcast...

Dear John,

I was really bamboozled by your latest podcast (WWOM, Dec 27 '08). I'll try to avoid the inclination to dive into an ocean of superlatives and instead try to tell you what exactly was helpful for me. I found this podcast to be most fluidly complete presentation of your words, with every salient point included at the right places.

You see, I was really miserable again, struggling, fighting with my mind, when I saw you latest podcast on the website. I resolved to follow your words, really listen, and started jotting down furiously whatever struck me as important. I like writing, so it was not a burden to follow you simultaneously. I hope you enjoy the story that follows here.

Well, you talked about life sucking, how nothing we (as a collective) have done has worked, how certain people have pointed out otherwise, how we need to be self reliant and examine the claims for ourselves. At this point you said something to the effect that, irrespective of the efficacy of their expression, they are talking about 'you' and the whole thing is about 'you'. To be perfectly honest, this had been a major sticking point for me. Similar to the way you speak of your reaction to Ramana, I had always wondered "what does he mean by everything is about 'you'????", "why doesnt he stop with this everything is about you business???" etc.

So I wrote down: "Do for myself what needs to be done. Self Reliance. How? If I dont do this, the rest is moot. Spend a whole life chasing ideas". The point you made about the rest being moot really got home, but I had no idea how to rely on myself.

Anyway, you went to succinctly point out that understanding is provisional. I had some understanding of that (pretty deep, i had thought), but you sucker-punched my mind when you pointed out that provisional also necessarily implies that understandings fail to touch the CORE misery. That was nice, and now you had my full attention.

And then you said the whole thing about how the neurotic panic is a result of arbitrary evolution processes that led us to stumble upon 'the consciousness of being'. Super cool use of words. So we try, as a result of spiritual understanding, to snuff out the self consciousness thinking that separation is the problem. that was a relief, for I hadn't heard it all that clearly before, and was thinking that self consciousness IS the problem, and I honestly believed that what I wanted was freedom from it. You said next that this consciousness is the greatest gift. I am in no position to disagree, but what I can agree to is that it is definitely not a problem anymore.

In conclusion, you said something that shone the light on the exact thoughts that were running through my head. That all this painted a bleak picture and it seems impossible to do anything about an inferential belief which was not our own doing, trusting that it can be argued that it is a result of the moment of arising of self consciousness. I cant thank you enough for saying this, because now, I knew what I had felt all this while. That what I really felt was that nothing could be done.

"But something does work. Teasing it out of the ball of ideas. does not require transmission. No special understanding.no abandonment. No prerequisites. Nothing is required. No continuation of wrong ideas. No stopping of wrong ideas. No merit. All that is needed is TO LOOK"

Hmm..I had heard the look part before. Nothing clicked, until you spoke about the reason it works. That false belief is about 'ME','ME','ME'!!!. Since it is about ME, if it is false, looking at 'ME' will reveal the truth about 'ME'. This is a one word problem and solution - 'ME'. Its all about one thing.

Wow, I had seen these words on your website so many times. "The only problem anywhere to be found..." So obvious! I was so lost in the jungle of symptoms, chasing each belief, desperately trying to see what the belief meant, and so on; and worst of all, hearing what you had to say, I had made an unknown 'false belief' my enemy. My mind was in turmoil, because it implied that the holder of beliefs was an enemy. I completely missed the fact that the false beliefs are about this 'me', and all that is asked of me is to see who this 'me' is really.

Once I got this, I was overcome by a surge of relief. You also mentioned that we miss it because looking at 'me' doesn't open up the heavens, which we have come to believe is what should happen. So that was more relief. And, of course, the greatest conforming sign — it continues.

I wrote in my diary immediately, "It is not magic. I have been persuaded that I am not what I think I am". The kicker is that you went onto talk about the need to demystify this whole realm.

Oh, this is so cool. The reason I say this is that, now, my mind is cooperating in the vichara. There is no resistance to the self-inquiry anymore. It has been seen that thoughts are not a problem, and they may come and go, but that the only problem anywhere to be found is that I have a false belief about what I am. and that is simple to cure.

What was really important was for me to see that the false beliefs were about 'me'. the exact nature of the false beliefs and the appearance of thoughts as a result, is beside the point. "If the false belief is about 'me', look at 'me' to know who 'me' is", and that's easy because I am here.ha ha!

Now i see that i no longer have to be a closet spiritual junkie, waiting childishly on space to expand. I have seen the problem, and the solution, and most importantly, the need to verify the claim first-hand. it is like an elegant scientific proof and not magic. And how really simple, direct and innocent it is — in contrast to all the stories woven around it.

Well, now that they are seen together, the core problem and the core solution, time is inconsequential. Right? Wow! I cant believe I am feeling that, since my secret question has always been,"when will I be free?".

That question doesn't belong here. Nor do the rest. What belongs here is the desire to look. So simple i cant stop gushing.

And not to be too melodramatic, but you have helped me avoid living a lifetime of suffering. Ironically, suffering is welcome too, but it will not be labeled as such. And to think that I almost gave up a couple of weeks ago. I thought I had imagined a resonance in your teachings, and that I would find nothing, and wanted desperately to walk away from it all. To be done with all these finding oneself businesses. I was ready to resign myself to a life of suffering, somehow get through life, afraid and uncertain, thinking that all the 'teachers' were happy neurological accidents. But, apparently the life in me has more wisdom and patience than that.

But, the one thing I am yet to figure out is how you teased something so practical, and un-spiritual, out of the huge confusing ball of Ramana's words, especially given the context and all the elaborate liturgy surrounding Hindu tradition. That's what amuses me the most.

So, in my universe, no one, and I mean no one [and that includes even the ones you speak of], has stated simply and directly what the issue is and what is called for. And in this clarity of your approach, I have found the courage to stand alone, for I know I can, for you have persuaded me that I can. And I can now, in my mind, drop the appendages — theories, explanations that give life to my last crutch — your words.

Thank you for listening.

You have rocked my world, John. Heartfelt gratitude, a million thanks, and so much more to you and Carla.

Love,
V.

P.S: I can confidently say I dont envy your job.

V.

New Bern, North Carolina 
January 7, 2009

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