Dear John,

I just want to say thank you.  I found your teachings about a month ago in internet.  Thanks god of internet.  And thanks god of Hollywood and Coca-Cola, they have teached me English so I’m able to listen and — consulting a dictionary — read you.

Fifty years ago when I was about 3 years old, I drowned and during those few seconds everything was so beautiful and joyful and I was so happy that anything after that felt nothing.  Unconsciously, I have been searching for that feeling all my life.  In young age my gurus were Marx and Lenin, then came Freud and all that lineage, then Rudolf Steiner’s promise impressed me and he gave a tip to study Buddha’s teachings.  Finally Byron Katie’s book was translated in Finish and I started to do ego-investigation and my life changed completely.  I started to read Krishnamurti and Nisardagatta using byronkatie-glasses and I thought some day I will understand their experience. 

Almost two years I was very sure that if I investigate every stressful thought I have I will get rid of suffering — and I worked and worked, but there was always new thoughts and I became frustrated: what’s wrong in me; I wanted to die; only I wanted was just to be.  But I couldn’t die, I did not know how.  So again I started to look for new information: I found youtube.com and Adyashanti, nice but not helpful; Gangaji, her language was too complicated for me; Echart Tolle, he tastes so good, but I didn’t get relief. 

But these meetings led me to riverganga and I now know I don’t need search for any new information.  I am taking medicine whenever it occurs to me to do so, and I make BK-work when I feel needing help to live this life.  It is a relief to realize that this is all I can do and all there is to do.

Thank you for your love and simple words,

****

Finland     July 21, 2007

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