Direct Question

[GailH]

Does anybody besides John live their lives "with the fear of life snuffed out"?

I cant help but have a scrutinizing/discerning mind. John continually offers the promise of this 'snuffing out of the fear of life' happening even if we do the looking "when it occurs to us to do so" although it seems that this was not his experience. His was to focus inward (do the looking) "like his hair was on fire". (and of course having an abundant amount of focusing time in jail).

I dont mean to be rude, I'm just frustrated, skeptical and also attracted. I'm still doing the looking despite all my scrutinizing....but have little hope of this really working for me, since I too have so called 'failed' at everything else and I doubt I could ever get that committed,( I have not been able to get very committed to things that are supposed to be good for my health too; weight loss, exercise....)

Yes I know I have the 'immediate gratification disease' and all that demandingness, I don't care, I still want to know if anyone or if anyone knows of anyone who lives their lives 'with the fear of life snuffed out",' the promise' via these instructions; "when it occurs to you to do so"?

(even though it doesn't sound like it....in much appreciation lol)
Gail

[fredindenver]

Many people in these forms claim that the fear of life has been removed from their lives due to the looking and I have no evidence to prove them right or wrong. As for me I have been trying this method for over two years now. My depression, anxiety and thoughts of suicide have not abated. I keep trying the looking but my main motivation is fear. I know this may upset some of John’s followers but that is the honest state of my life at this moment. Gail,you asked l so I answered as honestly as I can. As to the rest of you in these forums (you too John) if this is part of the recovery period then it is taking too damn long.

Sorry to all but this is how I feel.

Fred

[popagator]

Hi Gail,
Thanks for your refreshing honesty and courage in voicing aloud the thought that haunts many of us: "Will I ever get there, or has anyone really done so?"
I, for one, certainly have not, but things in general have improved considerably. Specifically, I'm calmer, less reactive to the vicissitudes of everyday life, far less angry, and happier in general. Perhaps it might be helpful to visualize this total "snuffing out" as an ideal, not as something that occurs inevitably or in an epiphany of some sort. As John points out regularly, most people have "worked" long and hard at developing the armor they perceive will protect them from life; therefore, it's almost certain the process of unraveling this knot of pain and confusion will take time, the duration varying with each individual.
It's only recently that I find myself doing the looking, simply and directly, without a miasma of thoughts, emotions, and sensations interrupting the process. I think it's important to remember that the looking, in and of itself, does the work, and any associated thoughts and emotions, however glorious or painful, are merely transient phenomena.
I recognize that, at times, the process seems arduous and painful but, over time, it seems to be the only approach that has been of help to me. Honestly, Gail, if I found myself in a state of perpetual bliss and fearlessness, I'd know for sure that something had gone terribly awry---life just doesn't function in that manner!
From a practical standpoint, and for what it's worth, I do the looking frequently, trying to avoid self-analysis and emotional wallowing. I'm not always successful, but I'm better, as are many of us on this forum. Suffice it to say that you're not alone in your doubts and skepticism but, as John suggests, why not stay the course and see what develops---it's basically effortless and, as my forbears were wont to say, "it couldn't hurt".
In Peace and Empathy,
Don

[trimpi]

I wrote in another posting today that I was 92% cooked. And I meant it, even though that sounds flip. As far as your lack of hope, that's a concern of the apparatus and has nothing to do with the goal of looking. "Abandon all hope, etc." is probably good advice for you. You don't need it. And don't be concerned about what you find when you look within. In fact, you're better off staying away from interpreting anything you might discover, because you'll end up characterizing things with the failure label like you have so many other efforts you've made in your experience of life. I think some really good advice is to look without alighting. That's not easy and is a bit uncomfortable, because the attention wants to roost somewhere, but it'll become easier the more you do it. The result: you'll become more available for life. Some of your old neuroses will linger on, but that won't be a problem. I still get scared, but not because I am identified with life to such an extent I think it is me and am thus vulnerable to its viccissitudes. The looking will eradicate that unseen and unknown misperception that you are your life. Then you can relax. Trimpi

[lerajane]

Hi Gail,
I really appreciate this clear, passionate question. I don’t know how to judge whether my fear of life is completely snuffed out; but I can see that my response toward my life has changed dramatically since I started Looking at Myself. I really love and appreciate my life as never before.

John says that the fear of life is snuffed out early on by Looking at Yourself; that it is a minor thing that we are barely aware of. The major thing is what happened because of the fear. At birth, we focused all of our attention outward in opposition to life, placing life at a distance and questioning everything to see if it was for us, against us or neutral. This orientation of our attention results in an alienation from our lives. We are still here, of course, but the mind/body apparatus is too busy worrying about things outside to notice.

For me it took almost four years of Looking at Myself for me to see changes. This outward looking habit had build up many many barriers between life and me. It is not surprising that it might take a few years to dissolve the barriers. I know I have more barriers to go but I can see through and around them now so they have less substance.

I love that what I think about Looking at Myself can’t help me or hurt me, that thinking has no part in this. I have noticed over time that this very thinking mind is the one that created the barriers in the first place. (I can’t fault it for that. It was simply following my attention outward.)

You are doing well, Gail. Just continue Looking at Yourself and let the mind do what it will. Lera Jane

[EmmaD]

Hello Gail,

I felt it might be interesting to add my experience after only a few weeks of looking. Being so new to it, maybe the changes I have seen are more 'black and white'. In brief, I have noticed this:

-I became aware that my constant thoughts, emotions and reactions are like wave-crests. It has been my habit until now to follow each one, trying to discern how to correct the 'bad' ones and retain or repeat the good ones. It's not that I no longer do that (because sometimes that is quite juicy to do - both the misery and the pleasure) but that I can see that those wave-crests are endless and are never resolved into 'peace' or the happy ending to the story.
-Several 'splinters' from childhood have surfaced, unpleasant, but seen to be a kind of clearing out. I didn't do anything with them and they passed away. I didn't feel the urge to therapise them or talk about them too much.
-A sense of loss of identity as 'seeker' on realising after all these years on the path and the tremendous reading (and library of books lol) that I will put them down and that spirituality will avail me nothing and I will have nothing to do lol! However, I also feel unburdened (as someone else also said here) of the weight of trying to assimilate all the concepts of spiritual approaches to 'One-ness' etc.
-Realising that my life will never be sorted out, resolved, smooth. The lumpiness and difficulties are all part of it. This is very much *different* to spiritual ideas of surrender or acceptance. I can't put my finger on it, but it is more joyful and poignant than that. And, as someone here said, life will get me in the end, and yet I don't feel so 'at stake' in that.

I don't know what comes next in this process but I am drawn on by the looking. I am not at all sure I am doing it right and each time it is different, but I am intrigued and enjoy the sanity of the people here.

With best wishes,

Emma ~

[Jenny]

Many people in these forms claim that the fear of life has been removed from their lives due to the looking and I have no evidence to prove them right or wrong. As for me I have been trying this method for over two years now. My depression, anxiety and thoughts of suicide have not abated. I keep trying the looking but my main motivation is fear. I know this may upset some of John’s followers but that is the honest state of my life at this moment. Gail,you asked l so I answered as honestly as I can. As to the rest of you in these forums (you too John) if this is part of the recovery period then it is taking too damn long.

Sorry to all but this is how I feel.

Fred

Dear Fred,
No apology is needed - as John has emphasized, we don't have a say about the reactions of the mind/body apparatus.

Although what I am going to say has nothing to do with the Looking, it can have an affect on the Looking. I, too, have lived a life of experiencing depression, anxiety and thoughts of suicide. I will say that the Looking has tremendously helped, but I was quite desperate and quite ready for it when I started looking last August. I really feel compassion about your depression and anxiety, and I want to offer some advice, but I don't want to come off as presumptuous or as a know-it-all. I don't really know anything about your situation or health status, or what you may be taking as far as prescriptions or your eating habits or lifestyle. I don't recommend prescription medications for anxiety/depression (having gone down that road myself and having taken them for 18 years, but having been off of them for the past 6 years), but I do recommend supplements from a health/nutrition store that can help tremendously - GABA, 5-HTP, L-Theanine. These 3 in particular I have used off and on, and they really are calming and take care of the anxiety and depression without side effects or withdrawal symptoms. They are best taken at bedtime. Proper nutrition can go a long way in alleviating these things as well (again, having learned the hard way myself - I recently had a full blood workup, and found that I was deficient in some minerals/vitamins/amino acids, which caused other health conditions to form - my doctor is working with me to nutritionally heal these ailments). I have found that getting enough of the nutrients we need thru high-quality food, and supplements as needed, can go a long way to alleviating mental distress in the mind/body apparatus, and this in turn will aid in the Looking.

I hope this helps, Fred, and if anything I say does not apply to you, then I apologize for my presumption. For me, the Looking has been able to show me that I am not what I am experiencing. There still seems to be plenty of fear and feeling at stake left in this body/mind apparatus, but I see more and more that although I am experiencing this fear and feeling at stake, I am always me and always feel like me, and there is never any doubt that it is ME that is experiencing the fear and feeling at stake. And somehow it is comforting that I am not touched by the fear. It's not pleasant to experience it, but it is an EXPERIENCE, like a scary book or movie, and I am not touched by it. I hope you can find comfort in YOU. Jenny

[Jenny]

Hi Gail,
You might benefit from listening to this talk with David Parrish. Mr. Parrish apparently works closely with John and Carla on a regular basis. To get to the real "meat" of the talk, skip the first 30 minutes.

http://batgap.com/david-parrish/

Anyway, I really enjoyed this talk, and have listened to it twice so far. I really like when he says that we are EXPERIENCING the reactions to the fear of life - these reactions do not define us. Just as you are EXPERIENCING frustration, skepticism and attraction - you are still you, regardless of how scrutinizing or discerning your are EXPERIENCING your mind to be.

I am still in the recovery process, so I still experience fear and feeling at stake - and I have noticed that whenever I am upset about anything, it can usually be immediately traced back to feeling at stake here. However, I know that the Looking has been doing its work, without any effort on my part. The Looking shows me that I am always and ever me, always and ever untouched by whatever awful thing (or wonderful thing) I am experiencing. It has helped me at times to say to myself "I am EXPERIENCING _______." Fill in the blank with whatever it is. Doing that will help you see that you are not what you are experiencing.

I hope this is helpful,
Jenny

[Paul Freedman]

Hi Everyone


I guess I will add my two cents. First of all, I think this thread is amazing. I*so appreciate everyone's willingness to speak from the heart. Thank you all.


I *have experienced moments of frustration and doubt in carrying out this act which is simple as a concept but challenging in actuality (at least initially for me)


I don't know if the fear of life has left me. My answer might vary depending on the day and circumstances that are occurring in my life. I have been doing the looking for about 2 years. These days the looking just happens ...it has resulted in a change in perspective that has allowed *me to be "more and more" welcoming towards the "parade of phenomenon "as John puts it.

I say "more and more" because it does feel like a work in progress for sure. *Overtime, there seems *to be a falling away of vigilance towards life and this seems to be occurring in a hierarchical manner. I can still become distressed and reactive towards events that are more psychologically loaded for me, especially if those reactions are old and well entrenched. However, I have noticed huge changes in regards to most other day to day events. For example, yesterday I was *out with some work colleagues for lunch, as we were crossing the street, a man came up to me and, out of the blue, assaulted me ( struck me in the side of the head). he left, the police were contacted, and he was *taken to the hospital and admitted to Psychiatry. *I was not seriously hurt. After the assault, we all continued with our lunch. Everyone seemed far more *upset than me. It seemed so clear to me that *the me-ness of me was not touched at all by the event even though, in the moment there was fear and brief*confusion for sure. I did wonder If *I was in denial or dissociating but, truly, it did not feel at all like that..... And as bizarre as this sounds.... I feel blessed ( a word I never would have used prior to the looking) *to have a life where weird shit like that can happen....go figure.

I encourage anyone who has doubts about *this work to hang in there and be patient with yourself..... We all come by our histories honestly.

With Deep Gratitude to John , Carla and all of you.

Paul

[GailH]

Just want to thank you all for your thoughtful responses.

Jenny thanks for that video link, it was very good.

Fred, I felt scared when I read 'thoughts of suicide' in your post....and then felt like crying. I don't have thoughts of suicide, but I often feel hopeless and even doomed. At other times though I feel very grateful and appreciate my life....just being alive. These times must be enough of a dose to keep me going. I too am motivated to do the looking by fear and even anger....and also curiousity.

Trimpi, I had already 'abandoned all hope' before I came across the looking, now, after having a 'hope glimmer', I guess I have to abandon it again. I might be better off to hear the instructions from John about how he tried to annihilate hope!

Lerajane, when I read 'took four years to see changes" I thought oh great, this is going to go on and on.....but what else am I going to do anyway??? hehe.

Emma, we probably have all the same books! Plus, can really relate, to feeling at a loss as to what to do, in the fixing, seeking, studying department! Just prior to this, I put down all my books and thought what's the point? I'm not going to get what I seek through all this studying, understanding route and I cant make anything happen, I cant make myself connect to my Self....it may or may not occur in my lifetime. This brought a bit of peace but also I felt a sort of contempt or quiet rage about it all.....sheesh, still do.

Gail